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melting but not down

Sunday, 9 August 2009


10:30 mum phones. Am I coming over? She needs help. No, I'll see her after work tomorrow. Variations on a theme, no specific problem articulated. She can't approach me, she will have to ask a neighbour.

13:00 Sunday lunch with friends - partly to escape the phone, partly to support a friend whose wife is dying of cancer. Mr Lily stays home to finish clearing out the kitchen.

16:00 return home. Mr Lily is grumpy - his efforts in the kitchen have aggravated his bad back. Feel guilty about not helping more. Mow the lawns to show willing.

18:30 mum's neighbour has left a message on the answerphone, can I ring her, problems with mum. I phone back, mum has lost her keys and is very anxious and confused. I tell the neighbour I will go over after I've picked lovely daughter up from the train station. Neighbour says she will pass the message on to mum.

20:20 collect LD and we both go to mum's. She hasn't lost her keys but has put them all in her purse. She says she can't get them to work in the locks. I demonstrate that there's nothing wrong with them. She accuses me of playing a trick on her with the keys, to convince her that she's going mad. I tell her she's just confused because her memory is bad. She doesn't believe me. I call on her neighbour to tell her how the keys work (you have to push the handle up before you turn the key to lock it) so that she can remind mum if she forgets again. She confirms my suspicions that mum has been sharing her consipiracy theories with her, ie I'm trying to make people think she's barmy and trying to steal money from her (yesterday's bank card fiasco). Neighbour sympathises with me and is relieved to hear that I intend phoning mum's doctor on Monday.

21:00 mum no longer makes an effort to be cheery granny in front of LD but continues to vent her paranoia. She says I don't have to go round if I don't want to, she'll manage without me. I tell her I'll see her after work on Monday (LD has promised to go with me, bless her). Mum says she needs to be around people. LD and I try to persuade her that a retirement (we really mean 'care') home will meet all her needs. She threatens me with her solicitor. I say its time to leave.

23:00 bed, need to get a good night's sleep as I have to take LD to work early Monday morning, to save her driving her dodgy car.

02:00 and here I am again, thanks to busy brain and snorry Mr Lily. Sigh.

1 comment:

Emily said...

Re insomnia: I tell myself, "Lying down counts, lying down counts." Maybe it does.

I used to play the radio softly at night for insomnia, the BBC, for those lovely soothing voices...but Mr Lily might mind. Hmm.

Or try paying attention to your breathing, the coolth on the inhale, the warmth on the exhale. That usually knocks me out eventually.