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melting but not down

Monday, 10 August 2009

no turning back

Didn't get much sleep at all last night so weary now and its only noon. I phoned mum's doctor this morning and brought her up to speed. She is coming to see mum at home, Wednesday lunchtime (I'll be there). She will also make a referral to the memory loss clinic after seeing her but doesn't think it will be much help. She agrees that mum is not safe to live on her own any more, a care home looks like the only option. On her advice, I ring the Social Services Access Team and go through the story again. They are sympathetic and will contact me once the case has been allocated, to arrange an appointment with mum.

I have debated not telling mum about all this until the last minute but its only because I'm not looking forward to her response. I think I'm going to have to bite the bullet and tell her tonight. Thank goodness lovely daughter is coming with me!


Thanks for the advice Annie, Clippy and Chris ... but after work I had a message on my mobile from mum's neighbour saying that mum needed me to go round because she "wanted to get out of here"; as she seemed to be in quite a good mood and possibly receptive to the truth, I did tell mum everything tonight. At first she seemed impressed that I'd "been busy", later she said she wished I hadn't bothered, lol. I wrote it all down for her so she could take it in and even added a note to say that her GP and Social Services would probably advise her to go into a home to get the support she needed. I thought it best to prepare her. She did chunter at this and said she would phone her solicitor/refuse to go if it came to that but she was nowhere near as stroppy as the other night. No doubt outrage will surface soon but the deed is done and I'm glad I finally took action.

I've promised to go round Tuesday night to help her shower and wash her hair ready for the doctor's visit on Wednesday. Interesting times ahead!


Annie said...

Lily, I think you would be doing your Mum a huge kindness by not telling her until the last minute. It sounds like she is agitated enough as it is, the news would just give her something else to worry about. When Mom was in her earlier stages and living by herself, we didn't tell her stuff until the last minute or she would obsess about it.

Clippy Mat said...

good luck. i think you are on the right road and no matter what her response (brace yourself) deep down she knows that it's the right thing and that she's not good on her own anymore. so wear your flak jacket. :-)

¸.•*´)ღ¸.•*´Chris said...

Oh Lily, I'm sorry to hear about your mum. yes, it sounds like she shouldn't be living alone any longer.

I don't think I would even worry about telling mum about any of this. It might cause her upset and the bits and pieces she is able to remember will not fit properly inside her memory.

I remember this journey all too well with my mother. It's a painful one. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your mum.

Emily said...

Well, here you go. Remember that if she rages, it's likely more at her own terror & helplessness than at you, really; you're just easier to target. I am relieved that you've started the process. And I hope it goes more smoothly than you fear.

Lily said...

Thank you all, it is so comforting to log on and find you there x

Clippy Mat said...

Interesting times ahead indeed but it seems you are coping and feeling empowered through knowing that you are doing what has to be done. Stay strong. :-)

cornbread hell said...

having read your "later" edit, i think you did right. like your other readers, i would have advised otherwise before reading the addendum.

but i think you done right, lily, to take the initiative.

you kick-started the inevitable. whether from personal frustration or personal wisdom, you deserve a gold star or two.