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melting but not down

Saturday, 4 August 2012

what do you think?

I started off by checking what I'd been up to this time four years ago then three and quickly became drawn into reading old posts of the surreal reality of dealing with mum's dementia.  Time had dimmed my memory of just how intense, exhausting, agonising, frustrating and occasionally unintentionally hilarious it was.  It got me thinking, if 'everyone has a book in them', is this mine?  Would the story of mum's decline and the impact it had on our relationship be of any interest to anyone?  I wouldn't mind putting it all together just to be able to read it through chronologically, without having to skip backwards through posts. Might be interesting for my son and daughter as I don't think they've seen/know about this blog.  I'd welcome your thoughts, especially those of you who have accompanied me on this journey (if you're still with me!).

Wednesday, 25 July 2012


The other day I was putting some jewellery away and decided to sort out the tangled mess that was my jewellery box.  Moving mum's wedding ring and dad's signet ring around, I tried them on individually and, not really holding out any hope, asked each if they could help me find a couple of rings I'd been missing for weeks.  Back downstairs, I was drawn to the welsh dresser and picked up a little trinket box.  Inside were the missing rings and a pair of earrings I thought I'd lost.  I'd looked everywhere for those rings but would never have thought of checking the trinket box because it just wasn't somewhere I would have thought to put them.  Maybe the old folks are still with me, maybe not. What do you think?

Friday, 27 January 2012


Is it really only 11 weeks since mum died?  Feels like 11 months. I'd say I'm all over it now but maybe not.  I suspect that the stress of the months leading up to mum's death has finally caught up with me.  I am feeling quite low but I'm attributing that to lack of sleep - for weeks and weeks the old nettle devils problem has been waking me up constantly, gradually zombie-fying me.   I've tried a variety of anti-histamines and moisturisers (made me itch more) but it wasn't until I slathered myself in steroid ointment and took a double dose of doze-inducing anti-histamines two days ago that relief finally came. I'm hoping things will improve from now because I'm really struggling at work, not only lacking the energy to get through the day but also having lost all enthusiasm for the job.  I'd retire today if I could afford it.