back in the saddle

Thank you to everyone who has been reading and commenting on my blog, your support is a great comfort. I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while - seems ages but its only just over a week! I couldn't bring myself to put fingers to keys, I don't know why. Anyhoo......

Mum's birthday was a great success. The home made a big fuss of her, they'd put 'Happy 90th Birthday!' banners all round the dining room and provided party food as well as a birthday cake. They turned off the lights and brought the cake in for her to blow out the candles spelling out her name. The flower arrangement I ordered from Interflora arrived during the day and is still cheering up her room - a selection of yellow and orange blooms in a brown wicker basket. Lovely daughter, beloved son and I went over at tea-time and found her sitting with other residents in the lounge in just a thin nightie so we took her back to her room to open her cards and presents and put something warmer on. She ended up in the cardigan I made her ages ago that's been languishing in the wardrobe ever since. Once securely buttoned up, she said "this is the last thing I knitted"!!! and it has been a firm favourite ever since. Ah bless, lol. She loved the Thorntons chocolates and the bouquet and bottle of Tia Maria from BS - she had two glasses and was reluctant to go to bed when we left so we parked her back in the lounge, happy as Larry.

On Sunday, LD and BS visited mum again and I went after work on Monday night. She was already in bed but not asleep and delighted to see me! She thought it was a huge treat to have a cup of tea in bed, not to mention 3 of the birthday chocolates that she'd forgotten she had. She even drank a second cup of tea (about a quarter of a cup really) - I think she'd forgotten the first one. She seemed quite content and has enjoyed going to painting classes in the home (she says her "schoolteacher makes a fuss" of her) but when I reminded her that she had painted one of the pictures on her wall, she also claimed authorship of dad's painting on the other side of the window!

LD and I went again on Thursday night, I took a bunch of bananas as I knew mum would eat them. She was in bed again but in a right strop. She'd had a "terrible time", it was an awful place, etc etc. On the pretence of going to make her a cup of tea, I collared one of the staff for an explanation - apparently an unfamiliar member of staff had taken mum to her Memory Clinic appointment that day and she had refused to answer any of the questions without her solicitor present! When I returned to her room she said "school was awful today, I don't think I'll go tomorrow." Little does she know they're going to have another crack at it next week, with one of the staff she knows well. Good luck for that! Mum cheered up really quickly though and enjoyed her 'surprise' chocolates again. She is eating a little better now and has put on a bit of weight. Her memory is shocking, literally! She still thinks her father and all her siblings are alive (and a lot younger) and although she knows LD's, BS's and my names, I'm not convinced that she knows what our relationship is to her. I wouldn't be surprised if she thinks we're her contemporaries, all young adults together.

I do feel reassured that mum is in the right place. She seems happier than she's been in years and the staff tell me they're very fond of her. After discussing the power of attorney issue with mum's nurse, we agreed that she doesn't have the capacity to understand/give her consent to it so I've bitten the bullet and instructed the solicitor to start the process of applying to the Office of the Public Guardian. It will cost me over £3,000 but the peace of mind will be worth it.

LD is excited. She's going to rent mum's bungalow next year and is already having practise stay-overs and planning decor! It's the perfect solution for all of us, she will have her independence (at special family rates, lol), I will have a good tenant and mum's property will be looked after.

XC

Mum is 90 today. Beloved son is coming up from Nottingham and we're going to meet lovely daughter at the home at tea-time. I hope she has a good day today - when LD and I visited on Monday, the care staff said they'd put on a party for her and I've arranged for a huge bouquet to be delivered. Mum is starting to settle better - she's eating properly!!! and joining the other residents in the lounge, she hasn't spit out her medication or kicked anyone recently lol and takes herself off to her room after meals for a nap. She has stopped blaming me for putting her in the home and seems to think it was her decision, although she still says that she'll go home when 'they' say she can. On Monday night she even asked the carer for help getting ready for bed which suggests she's feeling more comfortable with her new surroundings. She does look frail though and her memory is getting worse and worse. I've decided not to tell her missing relatives have died any more, its too upsetting for her, I'll just feign ignorance and suggest they'll be visiting soon.

Despite the break from daily visiting (twice a week now), getting my weekends back and the comfort of knowing she's never on her own, the whole situation is still stressing me out subconsciously - this week I've woken Mr Lily a few times, shouting out or crying in my sleep - unusual for me, I can't always remember why. I am tired all the time still and will be glad when the power of attorney thing is sorted. Roll on the cruise!

Bleary eyed

I'm really tired so just a quick update. Lovely daughter and I went to see mum last night but she was already in bed and asleep when we arrived. We had a long chat with the staff who told us that although she's generally very quiet and just tootles up and down the corridors all day and spends time with other residents in the lounge, she won't eat with them so they have to leave finger foods in her room for her. She's also been rather naughty - she has been spitting out her tablets, said to one of the carers "look at the size of you, you're fat aren't you!" and on another occasion kicked and hit out at a member of staff!

I left this photo of mum's mother on her chair with a note saying we'd visited. The picture is larger and clearer than the old faded (only) one she has, so I'm hoping she likes it.

deep breaths

Mum was in a grumpy mood today. She was not pleased to see me and refused to talk to the solicitor about power of attorney. We're going to wait a couple of weeks to see whether she mellows, if not its going to cost an arm and a leg to take it to court.

this blog in a nutshell

Thanks to Greg for the link to Wordle. (You need to click on the picture to see it in all it's glory.)

the post I wrote on Saturday

I phoned mum's nurse on Friday morning to express my concerns. She assured me that mum was taking most of her medication and getting a good night's sleep. She had refused painkillers and the anti-nausea tablet which explains why she told me she was feeling sickly on Thursday. It seems likely that the cause of her 'exhaustion' was joining in the painting activities, making Halloween decorations. However, her food and drink intake is a major concern so the nurse will be calling in the dietician. She thinks mum needs lots of TLC to settle into the home so has asked the carers to spend as much time as possible with her. I hope it has an effect.

I was up early this morning but went back to bed after an hour or so and didn't get up again until after 4pm! I needed the rest and as a result have nearly finished Mr Lily's books! Just a little tweaking tomorrow and they're ready for the accountant.

I have ripped the multi-coloured mohair circular cardigan I was knitting. I was frogging as much as I knitted, such was my inability to concentrate over the last few months, and I decided I didn't like it after all. I think I'll start on a jumper for my son next, hopefully in time for Christmas, or if not, in time for his birthday in February.

Maybe Logan's Run had the right idea

Mum was just as angry tonight but distressed too. Why was I doing this to her, I was just a parrot for repeating that the doctor had said she needed to be in a care home, she wished she'd had a bigger family then she might have had a good one, her mother/my father would be horrified if they knew what I'd done, why couldn't I take her home and leave her there, she would write to her aunt who would understand - "Auntie N died a long time ago" - I say that about everyone.

The care staff told me she was refusing medication and hardly eating, her eyelids were red as though she'd not slept/been crying. She said she'd had an exhausting day but wouldn't tell me what she'd been doing (and I forgot to ask the staff). I made her a cup of tea and she joined me in the dining room/kitchen to drink it and continue berating me. Another resident came in and sat quietly with us so I made her a cup of tea too, hoping that her company would have a beneficial effect on mum. It didn't. Mum said she didn't want to see me again. She accosted the ward manager in her office to complain about her situation and didn't believe her either when she told mum that it was the doctor, not I, that had insisted on her going into care because she couldn't look after herself at home.

I gave the manager the family tree I'd put together for reminiscence sessions and an appointment for mum at the memory clinic and left, feeling very low. I hope mum's GP was right about the 6 weeks acceptance point. In the meantime I'm not optimistic about Monday's visit with the solicitor.