back on the treadmill

Mum is a lot better and is probably going to be discharged today. I have asked the hospital to send someone from the care team to see her this morning, can't remember the proper name, in the hope that it won't all be down to me to make sure she eats/drinks/takes her tablets once she's back home. I'm exhausted. I still have a cough and the thought of several days sitting around at mum's listening to all the old gripes fills me with despair.

I know its a dreadful thing to say, but when mum looked at her worst before going into hospital this time, I hoped it was the beginning of the end. For selfish reasons, yes, but also for mum - she has constantly said she wished the stroke last year had finished her off, she doesn't enjoy being confined to the house with only my four visits a week to break the tedium, she does nothing to distract herself and is bored and lonely and doesn't want the responsibility of running a home but is adamant she won't go into a care home. She can't live with us - couldn't manage the stairs to the loo and doesn't want to be around my husband, to mention just a few reasons. She says she wishes she'd had a bigger family. Me too. Me too.