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melting but not down

Tuesday, 30 December 2008

back on the treadmill

Mum is a lot better and is probably going to be discharged today. I have asked the hospital to send someone from the care team to see her this morning, can't remember the proper name, in the hope that it won't all be down to me to make sure she eats/drinks/takes her tablets once she's back home. I'm exhausted. I still have a cough and the thought of several days sitting around at mum's listening to all the old gripes fills me with despair.

I know its a dreadful thing to say, but when mum looked at her worst before going into hospital this time, I hoped it was the beginning of the end. For selfish reasons, yes, but also for mum - she has constantly said she wished the stroke last year had finished her off, she doesn't enjoy being confined to the house with only my four visits a week to break the tedium, she does nothing to distract herself and is bored and lonely and doesn't want the responsibility of running a home but is adamant she won't go into a care home. She can't live with us - couldn't manage the stairs to the loo and doesn't want to be around my husband, to mention just a few reasons. She says she wishes she'd had a bigger family. Me too. Me too.


bulletholes said...

My mom used to say that "Pneumonia is the old persons friend".
That said, I think the last weekend she was with us was one of the best. We spent 4 days of Thanksgiving with her, i was even on vacation.
Went back to work on Monday, and her lungs gave out that night, at home, with all of us there.
i'll never forget the question she would ask me that last year...
"When are you and Shila going to have a baby? Oh, Stevi, you must hurry. it will be so terrible if I don't get to hold it"
I'd get embarrassed and say I dont know.
I didnt have a clue.

Dame Honoria Glossop said...

" I know its a dreadful thing to say "

It's not at all dreadful to wish someone a swift and gentle end, when life has worn them out and they have little strength left for the fight.

oldcrow61 said...

Aww Lily, what stress you must be under. I can only wish that it gets a bit better soon. It makes me realize how lucky I am with both parents in their mid to late 80's and fit as fiddles in both body and mind. Hugs.

Clippy Mat said...

that is just really sad.
for you, and for your mum.
hopefully things will brighten up a bit soon. really it seems that being in a good care home would be the best alternative all round. can't you talk about it, look into it again?

cornbread hell said...

sounds to me like you are doing a fine job considering the circumstances.

but wha'da i know?

(the 'word verification' for this comment is..."sucklo")