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melting but not down

Sunday, 7 December 2008

tail end rant

..and mum is not that keen about most of her own family. She's particularly scathing about her younger sister and her father, in fact I was an adult before I discovered that he had lived 5 miles away from us for the first 9 years of my life - I'd grown up with the impression that he had died before I was born. She did like her brother, my late uncle J - a great character. He was in poor health but always positive and full of fun and over the last few years I've grown very fond of his son, my lovely cousin D ------>
its been like finding the brother I'd always wanted. However, mum has decided she doesn't like him either, having chosen to believe that he lied about having the flu last Christmas as an excuse not to visit her in hospital. This has meant I haven't felt able to visit him and his family on my own, again because mum would take umbrage. Instead we keep in touch by text and e-mail.

You think I'm exaggerating/paranoid? A week ago D treated my husband and I to front row seats for a stage show of 'Allo Allo' in which he played Le Clerc (very good he was too). Foolishly I told my mum about this, after the fact. She was most put out, asking accusingly had I been going round to D's house without her and why wasn't she invited to the play? I could have said 'because you don't like him or my husband and would probably have whinged all night'. Instead I explained that she wouldn't have been able to hear what was going on or sit in an uncomfortable seat for 2 hours (let alone hang out in the bar for another hour afterwards. The Thornton's chocoalte bar decorated with 'Le Clerc' in white icing that D wanted her to have, is still untouched in her pantry, as is the apple from our tree I gave her 3 weeks ago.) I'm sure she still thinks I'm sneaking about behind her back, but then she's never really trusted me. Don't get me started on adolescence onwards!

I'll tell you this, when my mum has gone to the great bungalow in the sky, I shall get back in touch with my relatives and introduce them to my son and daughter (who have also been denied an extended family). I hope it won't be too late.

Speaking of 'too late', its 04:17... think I'd better go back to bed!


dmarks said...

It sounds unfortunate that she wants to nurse grudges like that.

rilera said...

It's so sad that families hold grudges. My mom's parents held a grudge against Grandma's side of the family so therefore I know very little about them as does/did Mom. They were from Germany, I know that, but in trying to trace my ancestry I can go no further back than that generation. It's very sad. Maybe that's why I've always let bygones be bygones. Life it too short.

cornbread hell said...

it's never too late.

Clippy Mat said...

don't let her feelings deprive you of much needed relatives. it's not YOUR fault she doesn't like them. and i don't think you are being disloyal at all if you visit them.
she sounds like she'd disapprove either way. unfortunately.