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melting but not down

Wednesday, 30 September 2009


What a small world - I've just had a phone call from the woman who has been assessing mum and its only someone I worked with many years ago! She believes that mum does not have the capacity to make the decision about her future care, she scored very poorly on the memory and cognition tests and today thought she was still in school! We agreed that a dual facility home (elderly and EMI care) would be best for mum. She will pass her recommendation on to the social worker who will get in touch with me. Now we just have to break it to mum :-(


rilera said...

I'm sad to tell you this, but we never broke it to Mom, we just took her their and she never uttered a peep, which, had she been 'in her right mind' she would have protested vehemently. Once at the assisted living facility she did say "I want to go home" but as someone with a loved one with dementia knows, this can mean anything. You might not want to break it to her since she is so confused anyway and maybe she won't know the difference. It does make me feel guilty but in the long run I know that she wasn't obsessing about it and we weren't constantly reminding her that she could never go home but telling her otherwise. Just a thought.

Emily said...

Well, your Mom is so muddled at the moment that she might well think she's moving someplace else. My ex-mother-in-law is now in a facility; she thinks she's at a resort in Artlantic city. On the other side of the door, she thinks, is the casino. She explains her roommate by saying, "Well, I felt sorry for her, so I let the poor thing sleep here." I hope it's that good for your mom!

J said...

I'll be in your shoes soon. It's getting harder and harder to give mom the quality of care she is beginning to need.
Even knowing it's the right thing for them... doesn't make it easy, does it sweetie. I'll keep sending Blessings your way.

Clippy Mat said...

I was going to say more or less the same thing as Rilera. Mum probably wouldn't understand too much about it, it would seem from recent events. I'm glad that progress is being made though for your sake.

Lily said...

Thank you all for your support and advice x x I'm playing it by ear at the moment. This afternoon mum was very sleepy but said 'there'll be no-one left I know there' (meaning, I think her childhood home) and soon afterwards 'where will I go when I leave here?' I replied that I would find her somewhere nice and near me with lots of company and 24 hour care as advised by the doctor. She asked 'do you mean a home?' and I agreed, again stressing I would find a good place. Apart from a very weak 'when you're old, nobody wants you' there were no other objections and she smiled and waved at me when I left. I expect she'll have forgotten it all tomorrow.

Granny on the Web said...

The wheels of progress seem to take forever!
Stay positive Lily, you are doing great.

Love Granny