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melting but not down

Friday, 17 October 2008


Feeling a little light-headed this morning as I've been fasting since 9pm last night in readiness for the blood tests today. This is my third day off work, taken as holiday rather than sick leave - a suggestion made by my boss who understood I wasn't up to going in to work but didn't want me to feel I couldn't carry on with normal daily activities like shopping or walking the dog (lol) without risking someone identifying me as a malingerer. Of course, it also helps the service's sick leave figures! Suits me as I already had five days carried over from last year's leave, I struggle to use it all.

What have I done on my three days off? My memory's terrible. Let's see, Wednesday I went to mum's for lunch, had a nap on her settee afterwards...what the hell did I do after that? No idea. Went home. Yesterday went to mum's again , this time we went out for lunch and then to Guisborough market as it was a lovely sunny day, the sort of bright crisp autumn weather I love. I bought some delicious yoghourt covered ginger and a bag of cranberry/nut/seed mix from the health food shop and a Yorkshire Tea Marmalade cake from a stall that sells the most amazing jams and chutneys. Back at mum's (after another nap) I helped her have a shower and washed and blow dried her hair. Mum has been much easier to get along with lately. Since the stroke, she doesn't go into one of her old lengthy rants on the litany of 'who-done-me-wrong' (dad's relatives featuring prominently) and 'episodes-from-my-miserable-life' (mostly the trials of living with her pig of a father after her mum's death when she was 10) so much; it's as though the stroke has destroyed some of the neural pathways that formed links between each story. She seems a little happier although still likes to have something to worry about, so I try to deal with each concern as it arises.

Yesterday was a good day for problem solving - I've arranged for a friend to look at mum's fire - it needs the firelight bulb holders fixing, I made her a list of useful telephone numbers and stuck it on the fridge so she no longer has to go rooting through umpteen old diaries and scraps of paper and I took her a photo of her and dad and my son and daughter together in their garden. I'm quite proud of it as its a composite of two photos taken on the same day, probably a few months before dad died, nine years ago. One was of mum, daughter, son and his ex-girlfriend, the other had dad replacing daughter. I chose to work on the former as mum and son were smiling into the camera on that one, cut and pasted dad from the other and stuck him over the ex, then spent ages in bitmap changing pixels to hide the joins. The only problem is that dad seems to be standing on mum's left foot, but it doesn't matter as in the photo frame, that bit is chopped off. I used the frame I bought from eBay - the red velvet and satin roses.

Yikes! As I finished the last sentence I glanced at the time and it was 8.44 - my blood test appointment was at 9.10 and there I was, in pyjamas, unwashed! I'm afraid I didn't have time for a shower so had a quick freshen up, cleaned my teeth, didn't bother with make-up (well, I may as well look poorly) threw on jeans, t-shirt and a warm cardigan and shot off to the surgery. The nurse was very gentle and efficient. She took three phials of blood and explained that the doctor had asked for the works - tests for liver and kidney functions, thryoid, anaemia, diabetes, vitamins and goodness knows what else. If they don't find something amiss among that lot, there's no hope for me!

Well, am now munching my way through breakfast - an apple chopped up with the cranberry mix and date, fig and seeds yoghourt. *Will then have to clean up before husband arrives home around lunchtime and then the weekend begins!
*Actually I went back to bed instead :-)

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