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melting but not down

Friday, 9 October 2009


Mum was very down tonight, her low mood seemed to have set in long before she asked me where she could go after leaving hospital (she didn't seem to remember that she had a home of her own, the bungalow). I was truthful with her - I didn't feel there was any other option, and tried to put a 'retirement' home in the best light possible in the hope that she would eventually become reconciled to the idea. It wasn't the answer she'd hoped for (ie for her to live with me) and in her eyes was proof that nobody cared or wanted her. She kept referring to relatives who had died as people who would take her in. Having to remind her they'd passed and repeat the hospital-to-care home scenario over and over again (her short-term memory is really poor now) only added to her depression. She said several times that it would have been better if she'd died. I do feel desperately sorry for her. I just hope I'm doing the right thing and it will work out alright. I'm going to start looking at nursing homes tomorrow. I hope I find a good one quickly.


J said...

I know it breaks your heart but there is no way your mom can be in a family home setting. She needs the help of professionals and a professional care facility.
I feel I'm being selfish by trying to keep mom here with us at least until next spring. She spends a lot of time sleeping and is more docile or I wouldn't be able to take care of her. But I know it's time to start planning for her to go to a nursing home.
(((Lily))) I understand some of your pain and all the other crap that goes along with these troubles we must face.

Lily said...

Thank you so much for your support J, it is enormously helpful to share worries with someone who is going through the same thing x

Emily said...

Yes, this is right for her. She needs care far beyond what you can do.

I hope you find a good place, too, and quickly. Reports, please.

Lily said...

Hi Emily, you asked for a report...click on 'this one' in the next post for a real humdinger!

rilera said...

I know how hard it is and the doubts you are feeling. This is the best decision for your mom and for you. But that doesn't mean it's an easy decision. Hang in there. I'm sending good thoughts your way.