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melting but not down

Thursday, 22 October 2009

Maybe Logan's Run had the right idea

Mum was just as angry tonight but distressed too. Why was I doing this to her, I was just a parrot for repeating that the doctor had said she needed to be in a care home, she wished she'd had a bigger family then she might have had a good one, her mother/my father would be horrified if they knew what I'd done, why couldn't I take her home and leave her there, she would write to her aunt who would understand - "Auntie N died a long time ago" - I say that about everyone.

The care staff told me she was refusing medication and hardly eating, her eyelids were red as though she'd not slept/been crying. She said she'd had an exhausting day but wouldn't tell me what she'd been doing (and I forgot to ask the staff). I made her a cup of tea and she joined me in the dining room/kitchen to drink it and continue berating me. Another resident came in and sat quietly with us so I made her a cup of tea too, hoping that her company would have a beneficial effect on mum. It didn't. Mum said she didn't want to see me again. She accosted the ward manager in her office to complain about her situation and didn't believe her either when she told mum that it was the doctor, not I, that had insisted on her going into care because she couldn't look after herself at home.

I gave the manager the family tree I'd put together for reminiscence sessions and an appointment for mum at the memory clinic and left, feeling very low. I hope mum's GP was right about the 6 weeks acceptance point. In the meantime I'm not optimistic about Monday's visit with the solicitor.


Clippy Mat said...

poor you and i feel so sad for your mum too. what an experience for you both to have to go through. it's just an awful emotional roller coaster, i really hope it settles down and she can relax and enjoy her time there, which will also give you some much deserved peace.

Emily said...

Well, hurtful as her behavior is, it's not unexpected, really, is it? She seems like such a perpetually angry person. What a hard time she must have, living with herself.

But! She's safe now, with the proper care available, & surrounded, thanks to you, with many tokens of love. Give yourself some sort of kindness now; you deserve it. You've worked hard to get her here.