About Me

My photo
melting but not down

Sunday, 4 January 2009

deja vue

The usual Pavlovian reaction to my appearance at 11:30 but thankfully the gripes did not last too long. Mum had half a small tin of soup and half a slice of bread for lunch. Also the tablets she should have taken on the morning. The carer arrived. Mum had told her she had already had breakfast when she came earlier. She hadn't. Mum couldn't be bothered to get dressed today, she spent her time resting on the settee, never quite falling asleep. She seemed to be very weak but in a much better mood than recently. With hindsight I think it was just that she didn't have the energy to be antsy. After tea she started on the poor me monologue again. She was considering stopping taking all her tablets (to prevent future strokes) - I advised against it. She asked me what I would do in her place, I said take good care of myself, keep taking the tablets and eating well. What I would have liked to have said was find a nice care home where I'd have plenty of company, no responsibilities and no housework. I explained I had to go home around 17:30 - to get organised for work tomorrow. (Actually, I couldn't take the misery any longer.) I would see her tomorrow night, after work. What time? The usual, about 18:15. What? I'd be at work all day?! Yes, its what I do, work full time. So she'd be alone all day. The carers will come. Sulky face. Didn't come to the window to wave me off. Sigh.


cornbread hell said...

sounds like a perfect opportunity to have brought up the care home again.

i know, i know...you just didn't want to listen to the grief. and i don't blame you...but lily, you're gonna have to do it sometime.

Lily said...

I know you're right. But I'm so afraid of the reaction - I'm sure she'd see it as confirmation of what a heartless daughter I am, "shoving" her in a home, I'm still trying to win her approval. Pathetic, isn't it, at my age. How do you dredge up those difficult words? Especially when you're probably going to have to shout them at least twice? I want someone else to make the decision. I don't want the responsibility. I just want someone to make it all go away.

cornbread hell said...

what worked for me and to this day she remembers that it happened this way...the doctor "ordered" it.

it's a much longer and more complicated story than just that, but that's the gist of it.

Clippy Mat said...

she already treats you like the heartless daughter doesn't she? and that is undeserved. i'm sure she can't help it. but of course you are anything but heartless. you just have to believe that. you are a woman who can only do so much. she has to learn to live with that. obviously you can't go on like this. somebody will end up worse off and if it's you what good is that to either of you?
thinking of you.

Lily said...

Thanks guys. Good advice. I think I will talk to mum's GP about residential care if the dying swan impersonation is still going strong after the 10 days of free carer services is over and if mum won't continue with home care. Of course, that will mean someone else to disapprove of my poor daughtering. Has anybody seen my spine?

oldcrow61 said...

Once again I have to agree with Clippy Mat. Your mum needs to go into care whether she likes it or not. Obviously you're doing everything you can and it's taking every thing out of you. No need for regrets. See her doctor and make it happen.

cornbread hell said...

yes, ma'am. i have "seen" your spine. in the guise of head and heart. i've faith they'll soon entwine. decisions made, a brand new start.

Lily said...

Keep the faith for me, my friend, until these hard times come to an end x