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melting but not down

Saturday, 14 November 2009

back in the saddle

Thank you to everyone who has been reading and commenting on my blog, your support is a great comfort. I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while - seems ages but its only just over a week! I couldn't bring myself to put fingers to keys, I don't know why. Anyhoo......

Mum's birthday was a great success. The home made a big fuss of her, they'd put 'Happy 90th Birthday!' banners all round the dining room and provided party food as well as a birthday cake. They turned off the lights and brought the cake in for her to blow out the candles spelling out her name. The flower arrangement I ordered from Interflora arrived during the day and is still cheering up her room - a selection of yellow and orange blooms in a brown wicker basket. Lovely daughter, beloved son and I went over at tea-time and found her sitting with other residents in the lounge in just a thin nightie so we took her back to her room to open her cards and presents and put something warmer on. She ended up in the cardigan I made her ages ago (see also photo on 8th December post) that's been languishing in the wardrobe ever since. Once securely buttoned up, she said "this is the last thing I knitted"!!! and it has been a firm favourite ever since. Ah bless, lol. She loved the Thorntons chocolates and the bouquet and bottle of Tia Maria from BS - she had two glasses and was reluctant to go to bed when we left so we parked her back in the lounge, happy as Larry.

On Sunday, LD and BS visited mum again and I went after work on Monday night. She was already in bed but not asleep and delighted to see me! She thought it was a huge treat to have a cup of tea in bed, not to mention 3 of the birthday chocolates that she'd forgotten she had. She even drank a second cup of tea (about a quarter of a cup really) - I think she'd forgotten the first one. She seemed quite content and has enjoyed going to painting classes in the home (she says her "schoolteacher makes a fuss" of her) but when I reminded her that she had painted one of the pictures on her wall, she also claimed authorship of dad's painting on the other side of the window!

LD and I went again on Thursday night, I took a bunch of bananas as I knew mum would eat them. She was in bed again but in a right strop. She'd had a "terrible time", it was an awful place, etc etc. On the pretence of going to make her a cup of tea, I collared one of the staff for an explanation - apparently an unfamiliar member of staff had taken mum to her Memory Clinic appointment that day and she had refused to answer any of the questions without her solicitor present! When I returned to her room she said "school was awful today, I don't think I'll go tomorrow." Little does she know they're going to have another crack at it next week, with one of the staff she knows well. Good luck for that! Mum cheered up really quickly though and enjoyed her 'surprise' chocolates again. She is eating a little better now and has put on a bit of weight. Her memory is shocking, literally! She still thinks her father and all her siblings are alive (and a lot younger) and although she knows LD's, BS's and my names, I'm not convinced that she knows what our relationship is to her. I wouldn't be surprised if she thinks we're her contemporaries, all young adults together.

I do feel reassured that mum is in the right place. She seems happier than she's been in years and the staff tell me they're very fond of her. After discussing the power of attorney issue with mum's nurse, we agreed that she doesn't have the capacity to understand/give her consent to it so I've bitten the bullet and instructed the solicitor to start the process of applying to the Office of the Public Guardian. It will cost me over £3,000 but the peace of mind will be worth it.

LD is excited. She's going to rent mum's bungalow next year and is already having practise stay-overs and planning decor! It's the perfect solution for all of us, she will have her independence (at special family rates, lol), I will have a good tenant and mum's property will be looked after.


RNSANE said...

I've just returned from nearly three weeks in GA, looking after my mother who, though legally blind, still lives alone in a duplex she has rented for 15 years. At 85, she is adamant about not going into assisted living. She stopped all her medicines ( she has hypertension and lupus ) and wouldn't see her doctor. I finally got her to go and she is taking her meds and getting daily lunch meals through a local church. She is so forgetful, though, now that I am back in San Francisco ( 2500 miles away ), I have to call every morning to remind her to take her medicine.

It would be so much better for me, of course, if she were in a place where she was looked after!

My brother and his wife, who have been living in FL, are now back in Atlanta, only a hundred miles from her, which is a great relief!

Emily said...

Oh, whew! I am so relieved that things went well at the party! And that she's adapting. Joy, joy! I had really begun to worry, not seeing anything from you.

rilera said...

Lily! I'm so happy that your mom is settling in and accepting her new home. She is safe and well taken care of and you can relax and know that you've done your best by her. Enjoy your mom and your family, you deserve it.

Clippy Mat said...

this is good news and I am sure that you must be so relieved. I think you are suffering from a little post stress AFTER all of the ups and downs of the last few months. so I hope you are being kind to yourself.

Patrizia said...

Hi Lily,
Thanks for posting a comment on my blog, probably so long ago now!
I just posted today with an explanation about why I had not replied to anybody that left a comment. I feel kinda silly now.
Anyway, I must set aside a little time to read a little of your blog.
Looks interesting!

Annie said...

Good news all around. I'm happy for you!

bulletholes said...

This sounds like good news!
Hi lily!

J said...

(((Lily))) you've had a lot of stress to deal with lately. Sometimes the full impact doesn't hit until things take a turn for the best. I'd say you're pretty much in 'burnout' mode. Take care of yourself.

Emily said...

OK, Lily, are you ever coming back???