Tempus fugit...

...when you're trying to sort out a lifetime's photo collection. I started around midday and have just stopped, realising I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. And I'm still not finished!

Here we go again

Woke up itchy in the early hours so got up, applied cream, put washing in the machine, made a cup of tea and let the dog out. She's now busy taking her biscuit for a walk round the house which entails my opening and closing doors and her tap dancing up and down the uncarpeted stairs (still haven't got the hall etc decorated). Currently debating whether to mess around on the computer for a while or watch Ladies in Lavender. What do you think, both?

Well, it's 5 am and the washing machine finished its cycle a few minutes ago, just as I completed work on creating a new ID photograph for work. Never got to watch the film, lol. Think I'll go back to bed now!

In memoriam

My dad died on 11 October 1999. I was at mum's today for the usual Saturday shopping challenge; she was oblivious to the significance of the date. I didn't remind her, I couldn't face the inevitable conspiracy theories directed against the doctors/hospital - she's convinced that if he hadn't had his triple bypass operation, he would be alive today. He wouldn't, he had a heart attack the day before he was hospitalised and another the morning of his operation. It was heart disease and arterial sclerosis that killed him but mum's convinced it was the kidney infection that saw him off or that the bypass operation was botched. I miss him. Hope he thinks I'm being a good (enough) daughter.

Still weary 50% of the time, to the extent that I sent my boss an e-mail on Friday, apologising for not having got round to writing a report she needed for next week. Must mention it to my GP as I think it may be a side-effect of the Prozac. Alternatively, maybe the medication has just taken me back to how I was generally before things became really difficult, like the time a phone call from mum after I'd just returned home from her place tipped me over the edge and had me on my knees, screaming and pounding the wall. (I had a sexy, husky voice for 3 days afterwards!) Lovely daughter to the rescue - she went off to mum's, leaving strict instructions that I soak in the perfumed bath she'd run me. It must have been scary for her, seeing me in such a state.

Ointflyment

The 'bargain' tablecloth has a hole in it, off centre. Which means I can't camouflage it by putting the fruit bowl in the middle of the table.

On the bright side, my boobs look amazing in my new wonderbra.

You lose some, you win some :-)

Irony #2

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! (just got back from mum's)

And today I have bought, courtesy of Help the Aged........
1. A DVD of the film Ladies in Lavender, which I missed when it was on at the cinema.
2. A jacquard tablecloth, white with apple green bands and patterns, that will go perfectly with my kitchen walls.
3. A fully lined, never been worn, below-the-knee, black pencil skirt that looks like wool but isn't.
4. A fabulous, mint condition, chocolate coloured imitation sheepskin duffle coat that will keep me cosy on the coldest day.
All four cost me less than £12 and because I spent more than ten, I was eligible for the special offer - a £3 voucher to be spent in the charity shop between November and Christmas! Noooooooooooooooooooo problemo!

Dysthymia

Is this me? - 'In dysthymic disorder, depressive symptoms typically begin insidiously in childhood or adolescence and pursue an intermittent or low-grade course over many years or decades; major depressive episodes may complicate it (double depression).' I certainly remember feeling an almost constant melancholy from childhood onward and am wondering whether, despite a promising start with Prozac which seemed to banish the blues, dysthymia was the reason why this weekend I felt detached and unable to fully enjoy life, often retreating to my bed with bouts of weariness. And I'm still bargain hunting! Today I found a lovely touch table lamp in palest green etched glass in a charity shop for £5 that goes beautifully in my back room.

Prozac- 11 weeks - not quite there yet

I know this because:
a) I silently panicked in a recent team meeting when a new system was mooted that will require good self organisation and extra work. Although intellectually I know I'll get on top of it, psychologically it feels like a huge mountain to climb in slippery shoes.
b) I have been bargain hunting for England, mostly successfully, but there's no denying that I tend to turn to retail therapy when I'm feeling down or stressed. In the last couple of weeks, my haul has included...
from charity shops: a lovely mint green linen shirt, a smart midnight blue waterproof coat with an opalescent shimmer and a book - 'Remind me who I am, again' by Linda Grant. This has turned out to be a fascinating read, written by a woman my age about her relationship with her mother (very similar to mine - both relationship and mother!) who develops multi-infarct dementia. I'm starting to wonder whether my mum is showing signs of MID, she seems to have some of the symptoms.
from eBay: a vintage brass photo frame, a pink lace wonderbra, a red wonderbra, a red velvet photo frame with red satin roses, 6 pairs of black lace top hold-ups that I didn't notice were a size too big but are perfect for my daughter and, less successfully, a grey wool trouser suit that doesn't really suit me and is too tight so will be donated to a charity shop.

It was mum's shower and hair washing night tonight. Around 8.45pm I was looking for a window of opportunity to make my exit when out of the blue mum said "you've put on a lot of weight ..... (pause) You used to be so slim!" Job done. See you Saturday Mum!