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melting but not down

Monday, 11 May 2009

it's 4 in the morning and once more the snoring has woke up the blogger in me-e-e

Not to mention the nettle devils, so here I am again, anti-histamined and tea-d up. I'm feeling a bit odd at the moment. A faint undercurrent of anxiety and restlessness, no particular reason. I was up early yesterday morning as usual but just didn't feel well - tight chested, pressure on the back of my neck and over my heart; after a bit of knitting and TV I went back to bed and didn't get up until nearly 1pm, my first proper lie-in for ages. I can't believe it was due to forgetting to take my medication on Saturday but maybe my body is that sensitive. Last night I discovered my concentration must have slipped while knitting, I couldn't work out where I was in the pattern and had to pull out quite a few rows to get back to where I think I know where I am.

Mum finally decided to go to my aunt's funeral on Thursday after changing her mind three times. The service was dull but it was good to see the extended family again, especially my lovely cousin, his wife, son and daughter. (what relation are his children to me? Second cousins?) My cousin and his son are great huggers, I love that, makes me feel like I belong. It was interesting being able to put a face to people mum had told me about so many times in stories from the past. She was glad she went and I think she has mellowed somewhat towards my cousin.

We finally managed to find a new gardener for mum after getting a few estimates. He's coming to blitz the garden on Tuesday. I've taken the day off as I've also arranged for a woman to come round to mum's on Tuesday to demonstrate an amplified phone, I do hope it works for her, it will make life a lot easier, not to mention quieter at my end.

I had last Friday off work too, to spend the day with my betht fwend, lol. We used to see each other every fortnight for a natter and a trip to the pictures but in the end I was just too tired to cope with the driving and late nights. I was looking forward to getting together again and it was good but I wasn't the person I wanted to be with her. Its difficult to explain but some people bring out different aspects of me and with my BF, it can be my bossy streak! I think maybe she's so warm-hearted and co-operative (can't think of the right word) that I have to make an effort not to take charge. We used to share an office and spent our lunchtimes together, we were joined at the hip, shared all our woes and had lots of laughs. Later she was my rock when I was going through some really hard times and I want to be the fun friend she deserves, not some bossy big sister character who falls asleep on the sofa watching The Far Pavilions. Ah well, I'm hoping to start our cinema nights again so maybe I can rediscover the old me.

I've decided to chicken out of going grey for now. It's just adding to my general air of weariness and anyway, lovely daughter doesn't like it! I think it may remind her of my own mortality, ie mum's going grey = getting old = nearer death? I plan to return to 'light brown' some time in the next week.


cornbread hell said...

gray streaks might be kinda sexy...

cornbread hell said...

oh, & i forgot to say...'appy mum's day!

Tricia said...

Sorry to hear you're a bit under par Lily! Those nettle devils aren't nice are they! My mother gets them and they drive her crazy - especially at night!

Sounds as though you have fun with your friend - enjoy the cinema!

Lily said...

I am sexy, with or without grey streaks, CB. (You'll just have to take my word on that.) Anyway, I plan on using non-permanent colour for the next year so that when I finally let it wash out, hopefully I shall have a more impressive head of silver hair instead of just cranial frosting with the odd streak. PS, our Mothering Sunday was 29th March but thanks for the kind thought!
Cheers Tricia, I do sympathise with your mum, its weird how the NDs only come out at night.