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melting but not down

Sunday, 26 April 2009

Saturday snap

"I'm going home, I'm sick of being told off! I'm going where people like me and are nice to me!" - my parting shot to mum yesterday. It had been a very trying day.

She was in a good mood when I got there, even said I was early (she normally accuses me of the opposite) although it was about the same time as usual. She was soon in full bitching flow though, working her way through the plethora of people she dislikes for one reason or another. Very tiresome. I suggested we go and look at the flats near me, she was less than enthusiastic on the journey, I could tell she had already set her mind against them. I persevered, drove by the flats, showed mum how close they were to my work and home, the shops, the health centre and the high street, reinforced how quickly I could get there in an emergency and that I'd be able to go over every lunchtime - "huh, you'd soon get sick of that". She seemed angered by my efforts - "I feel like a parcel being shoved about!" I gritted my teeth and moved on to Morrisons.

The shopping went fine but just as we'd got into the car, my lovely cousin rang with sad news. His mum had died that afternoon. It was difficult having a conversation with him as mum was getting impatient next to me. I told her what had happened. She launched into her usual denigrating description of her sister-in-law and was most put out when I said I intended going to the funeral (because, of course, she didn't want to go but if I went, it would make her look bad). Mum's dislike of all of dad's relatives and most of hers has divorced me from my extended family over the years. My cousin is the only one I have left and I'm blowed if she's going to drive a wedge between us just because she chooses to disbelieve that he didn't visit her in hospital because he had the flu. She argued that as I hardly knew my aunt, I shouldn't go to the funeral. I pointed out that my cousin hardly knew my father but he came to his funeral. She had trouble remembering that.

After the shopping we returned home. I washed the pots from lunch. "I suppose you'll be doing a bunk after that". I explained that I was going to the theatre so would have to go. She was not best pleased. She would have to ring her cousin - the only person she could talk to. The one with a saintly son who goes round a lot (what, more than me?!) and does things for her (I mowed the front and back lawns last week!!!). "Its awful to feel you have no-one to turn to". (Just call me the invisible woman). I tried to mollify her by promising to take a day off work soon to be there for support team's demonstration of an amplified phone and sort out a new gardener for her. She resumed complaining about living on her own and wanting a one-bedroomed flat without a garden. I said I'd take her to see the flats just round the corner from her next week. "What's wrong with now?" So we went. She didn't like the look of them.

Back at mum's she had another go at me, I can't remember what exactly but I'd had enough by then and snapped. She had the cheek to say "well you say what you want, why should I keep quiet?!" She keeps quiet??!! I say what I want????!!!! If I bit my tongue any more it'd drop off!

Not looking forward to Monday night.


Granny on the Web said...

Oh, you poor dear soul.
Try and keep a sense of calm when dealing with how your mother is. Was she always such a Tiger or is this a new phenomena of her ageing, or was she always so cantankerous?
I do sympathise with you most sincerely, you must feel so un-appreciated. I can feel the scream hiding inside you very being.
Love Granny

cornbread hell said...


Lily said...

Yes Granny, sad to say she has always been like this.
It sure is, cornbread.

oldcrow61 said...

I can feel the scream inside of you longing to get out as well. I don't know how you have the patience to deal with it. I don't think I could.