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Saturday, 22 March 2008

Snappy Saturday and the Sitting Duck

I went to bed at 18:30 yesterday, it had been one of those days. Shopping with my mum is getting more and more frustrating - this time it took one and a half hours to spend £12.42 and even then only about £6 of that was on dinners for the week. She can't be bothered "messing on" cooking herself meals, so looks for ready-made solutions. She stresses about not having anything in to eat but here's the list of what she doesn't like/won't buy:

ready meals larger than an anorexic's portion...uncooked meals that look unappetisingly pale... bags of frozen chips etc. (even the smallest are too big)... more than one of anything - eg slices of cooked meat/chops/bacon...chicken... cheese... yoghurts... quiche... pies...pasta...pizza...anything foreign (except for Sharwood's sweet and sour chicken which Morrisons don't sell any more)... garlic... fish... fruit and veg that require any kind of preparation... most soups... beans ...

I could go on but you get the picture. Each purchase is preceded by an agonising period of deliberation; in the time it takes me to get the half a dozen regular items from all over the store, she will still be deciding on which bunch of bananas to pick. Yesterday my left foot and right hip were paining me (arthritis/Friday's four mile dog walk?) and I'm afraid I was somewhat snippy on a few occasions. Anyone overhearing would have thought what a horrible person, picking on that little old white haired lady, but I've had over eight years of this torture! Anyway, I expect I'll have to go through it all again on Tuesday, she's bound to have run out of food by then.

On the way home I saw a suicidal duck, I knew how it felt. It was sitting in the centre of the left hand lane, I wouldn't have noticed it if the car in front hadn't swerved. I drove round it too and said a little prayer for its safety (I still haven't got this atheist lark quite right). Now I wish I'd stopped and picked it up, I could have taken it down the road to where I work as there's a colony (?) of ducks living there. Obviously my milk of human kindness soured in Morrisons

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