I spoke too soon?

Maybe I am feeling some after effects of coming off the Prozac - I have been feeling intermittently restless the past few days and today's post-prandial nap turned into a marathon (which is why I am still up at this ungodly hour) and when I finally surfaced, I felt distinctly unwell - headachey and tight-chested. Then again it could be the upheaval downstairs - Mr Lily has finally bought himself a reclining chair and has been sorting out the accumulated clutter in the front room to accommodate it. Its taken 2 days and we're still not finished, you should see the dust on the carpet where one of the sofas used to be! OK I'm off to bed now.

Saturday morning, just before dawning...

This itching is driving me mad! It starts to come on mid-evening and continues through to morning, often waking me up in the early hours, like today. Anti-histamines and moisturising cream only work sometimes, I'm going to have to ask my doctor for something else. Ah well, you win some, you lose some - 10 pounds in 7 weeks! I'm loving the Slimming World plan - really enjoying choosing and shopping for the week's meals then cooking fresh food every day. Mr Lily thinks its great too, he's lost 12 pounds so far. You'd think a healthier diet would help my skin, maybe I'm allergic to onions and garlic which feature heavily in most recipes, lol. I can get into a size smaller skirts and jeans now and the folks at work are always commenting on my weight loss and how well I look, although I think the latter is more in comparison with how worn out I was before mum went into the home. Coming off the Prozac seems to be going well, I'm now down to a tablet every other day and not experiencing any problems. In fact, I find I'm enjoying life more these days - I often sing 'I'm aitch-A-pee-pee-why, I'm-aitch-A-pee-pee-why' to myself at random moments, finding delight in the simplest of things.

Mum is still disappearing, both in size and from the real world. Lovely daughter and I took her a card, flowers and chocolates on Mother's Day, she enjoyed it but didn't seem to grasp what was going on, I'm not even sure she knows I'm her daughter any more but she does appreciate my going to see her every week. I'm a bit concerned that she might not be getting as much care in the home as I'd like - when we went on Mother's Day, we found her in the lounge without her teeth in and no cardigan - she's such a tiny scrap of a thing now and has always felt the cold. There doesn't seem to have been any progress in getting her a new hearing aid either - goodness only knows what happened to the old one. Communication at anything less than umpteen decibels is very difficult, she must miss out on so much. Still, she seems relatively settled there, she still says she wishes she could go 'home' but is placated by my telling her 'when you're better'. The Court of Protection application is getting there, just had to pay over £650 to the solicitor for various fees and the paperwork is now completed and on its way. Half of that was the charge for the 'failed' Lasting Power of Attorney attempt - the 2 hours the solicitor spent getting the papers together only to be dismissed by a stroppy mum when he visited her at the home.

I'm hoping this weekend will be productive - the Slimming World regime has inspired me to start growing my own food- I've bought a small greenhouse and am going to plant 12 different types of herbs and a wide selection of salad leaves tomorrow. We've also ordered blueberries, chillies, garlic, peppers and other stuff I can't remember from a seed company and will plant them out in pots in the garden once they've established in the greenhouse. I'm getting quite good at using the exercise bike whilst watching TV and this weekend hope to sort my bike out so that I can start cycling to work next week. I'm determined to reach my target of 8 stones 11 pounds by the time I go on holiday in August - that will mean I've lost 3 stones!

PS...I've beaten my Farmville addiction!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the news at 4

Well here I am at daft o'clock again, driven from my cosy bed by Mr Lily's fight with his sleep apnoea machine. What with his gurgling and gasping and its whooshing, it sounds like happy hour at the hippopotamus bar. In a moment or two I'll head on over to Farmville (definitely OCD, lol) but thought I'd better log the Incredible Shrinking Lilys' progress first. After a good start at Slimming World and slavishly following the plan, our third weigh-in was a big disappointment - we'd both put on half a pound! I found hunger between main meals was my problem, and went through tons of fruit to keep the pangs at bay. The next week I tried eating a bigger breakfast - the usual porridge and berries but also scrambled egg on toast. That and a 'light' cereal bar for mid-morning and mid-afternoon snacks seemed to leave me much more satisfied and on our fourth weigh-in last week, I'd lost two and half pounds and Mr Lily had lost three! I'm hoping for the same this week, then I'll have lost half a stone.

No change with mum but there is slow progress on the Court of Protection front. I finally managed to get all the financial information together and complete my part of the paperwork. The solicitor has written to mum's doctor for her report and to mum's bank with a copy of the first invoice from the home, asking them to pay it . I'm hopeful that things will get going now. Lovely daughter and I are going to see mum today and take her some toiletries and sweets. Dementia can be a blessing. Mum always used to say that if she couldn't keep herself clean, she wouldn't want to live. Thank goodness she's mostly oblivious to the fact that she often has 'accidents' now and needs someone to help her on and off the toilet. My turn last week - really, its just like caring for an elderly toddler a lot of the time. Sad.

I think our lovely dog may have dementia too, lol. She's nearly fifteen and still full of beans but now doesn't give us her usual signals for when she needs the loo, she tends just to look wistfully at us for a few seconds and then wander off. There have been quite a few 'accidents' (which Mr Lily side steps on account of his 'delicate' stomach, wuss). She's also becoming very 'wandersome' (a phrase I picked up when mum was in hospital) - I'm for ever having to get up to open doors for her as she does a circuit of the house and garden. We love her though and hope she stays with us for a few more years yet.

I've started to come off Prozac. My doctor advised I do it slowly so I've worked out a reduction chart for three months. Fingers crossed.

fair weather blogging

*hangs head in shame*

Funny, isn't it. When life was a trial, I was always blogging. Now that the sun is breaking through, I don't feel the need to keep the world (lol) updated. Lots of reasons for this mostly welcome turn of events:

1. Mr Lily and I have joined Slimming World! (And if you knew Mr Lily, you'd appreciate what a gobsmackingly courageous act of desperation this was!) I think the clincher was when we discovered at the first weigh-in that our scales at home have been flattering us to the tune of more than half a stone - we were both HORRIFIED! Fortunately it has been the kick up the arse we both needed to lose weight and we've thrown ourselves into the new regime with gusto. I'm planning Slimming World recipes and shopping for the ingredients at the weekend and then cooking meals EVERY night! (Mr Lily can't believe his luck - he's used to be served something out of a frozen packet.) I'm also making sure we each have a healthy breakfast and I eat sensibly, including lots of fruit, at work. Last week was our second weigh in and I'd lost 2.5 pounds, Mr Lily 3.5 pounds (grrr). He was the only man at the meeting and to his surprise, enjoyed himself. I'm really into this cooking healthy food lark, you should see my fridge! and am even getting quite excited about the prospect of growing some of our own vegetables this year, once the garden is reorganised.
2. Mum is not doing too badly in the home although lately she is mostly preoccupied with her relationship with her father - she doesn't know why he hates her and is dreading going home to him when she leaves the hospital. She thinks her brother or old neighbours might take her in, she says she will have to get a job and wishes she'd never joined the forces. She's stuck somewhere in the 1940s, with people who passed away long ago. I'm not even sure she knows what relation I am to her any more. I've spoken to one of the carers about this as I've read that dementia is often accompanied by depression - she's already on a low dose of anti-depressants but they're going to speak to the doctor about maybe increasing the strength of the tablets. Still no progress with completing the papers for the Court of Protection - I'm having trouble getting up-to-date information about mum's financial affairs from the various building societies - so I'm going to hand over the job to the solicitor. I've had the first invoice from the home - £6.5K which I'm hoping the local council will pay (to be reimbursed later), if not I'll have to use my savings. Ah well.
3. I spend most of my computer leisure time on Facebook these days (as at least two of you know full well!), mostly to play Farmville to which I have become enslaved. It doesn't leave much time to attend to this little blog and I did think of wrapping it up but will try to keep it going. I have a feeling I may have more 'home' time on my hands in the near future - my knees are feeling their age, especially the right one - I have a pronounced limp at the moment, I'm going to have to get it looked at.

mum, and me

Mum first. Went to see her last week on my own, how brave was that! Silly but I do get very anxious about visiting her without moral support from lovely daughter - I suppose its the uncertainty of what I'll find, good mood, bad mood, no discernable mood at all. Anyway, it was fine. I found mum in the lounge with the other residents, holding hands with one of the carers! Great introduction - "is this your daughter?" (me - "yes") "eeh, you told me you didn't have any children!" Well, she thinks I'm her sister so in her mind, I suppose she's right. We stayed in the lounge for quite a bit. I was fascinated by the interactions between other residents. One old chap and one of the ladies seemed very fond of each other, they were quite physically affectionate in a tender, low key sort of way. Another lady was holding hands with a guy in a wheelchair, although I don't think he had much choice in the matter!

I persuaded mum to go with me to her room when she started her loud comments about the others - "you see him in the wheelchair? Well you have to be careful if you sit next to him, he strokes your face. He's a pest!...her over there, she's just dumb, poor thing.....I don't like that woman sat next to you at all.." I'd have gone to see her again last night but there's an outbreak of sickness and diarrhoea in the home and mum is one of the afflicted, so I was advised to wait a while. The doctor has seen her and she's doing ok, apparently he asked her to stick her tongue out and she said indignantly "I don't do that!"

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I have turned my attentions to giving Mr Lily some much needed TLC. (Its as though being relieved of constant mum duties, I've caring to spare!) Poor thing is not well at all - lots of back pain and tiredness. I've even started cooking properly again, to his amazement - instead of raiding the freezer for ready meals, I've made double quantities of chicken casserole, vegetable stew and bolognese and frozen my home made efforts for later. I've also rescued the unused breadmaker from the attic - we'd had it years and never opened the box! I am now addicted to making my own bread - probably not a great idea when trying to lose weight, but never mind, lol. Here's my efforts so far - clockwise from top right: wholemeal, granary, white, fennel and raisin - a successful experiment!
Of course there are still some little stress clouds on the horizon. The home is now asking for payment and sent me a contract to sign as guarantor of same, which I've had to tell them my solicitor has advised against signing until the Court of Protection application has been processed successfully. Speaking of which, its unlikely to be any time soon as my solicitor wants me to get updated information on mum's finances which will take a while, judging from the phone calls I made to various building societies today. And then there's the rather scary medication issue. My last prescription for Prozac came back with a note from the doctor who wants to review it before he issues any more. Aaargh! I mean, I don't want to stay on it for ever, it has been a great help and I feel much better, but how much of that is circumstances and how much the medication? I have forewarned my boss, just in case I start acting weird in the near future. Yes, alright then, weirder.

Ye gods, look at the time - 02:12! This is what happens when you're awake at midnight because Mr Lily's sleep apnoea machine is wheezing like an asthmatic walrus and then the dog scratches at the bedroom door to be let out and then you realise you need to take an anti-histamine because the nettle devils are making an appearance and then of course you need a cup of tea to speed up the soothing process and what's a girl to do to fill in the time all this takes?

PROPER winter!

Love it, love it, love it! This is the (mobile phone) view from my doorstep this morning.

My car is still stuck in the snow (must try to move it today) and I haven't seen mum for just over a week. Can you imagine how stressed out I'd be now if she were still at home and I either couldn't get to her or had to move in with her? Instead I can relax, safe in the knowledge she is being well cared for, and enjoy this old fashioned winter. Ahhhh, bliss :-)

Mission accomplished! It took two women, three men, a piece of old carpet, several flattened cardboard boxes and LOTS of shoving and shunting and revving and burning rubber to shift my car from where it has been stuck in the snow for the last three days, to the safety of the the village hall car park a few hundred yards up the road! This next photo is lovely daughter on her way back home up our village road after the Herculean car relocation and the one after is a view across the fields from the village hall.

Oh the weather outside is frightful.....

...but the fire snow is so delightful! For the second time in as many weeks, I found myself straddling the road today. I'd managed to reverse off the drive and turn to face the entrance to the village but I *barely managed a few feet before I started slipping and sliding - the result of weeks of impacted snow turned to ice with a fresh dusting of powdery snow AND NO CHUFFING GRIT OR SALT, NORTH YORKSHIRE COUNCIL!!!!! After much reversing and futile attempts at going forwards, I ended up* pointing in the opposite direction, which being downhill, meant I could keep going and turn round in a cul-de-sac with the intention of giving myself a run at the hill leading to the main road. Huh. I went into the side road, round its little roundabout, came back onto the village road and.....(repeat from * to *).... stuck right across the road.

Fortunately Mr Lily hadn't left for work at that point so he was able to push me into a more convenient position, where I abandoned the car with an apologetic note in the window. My neighbour (the tree poisoner) then offered to tow me out of trouble with his 4 x 4. Well, you can't hold a grudge for ever. Unfortunately, today was the day I discovered that the tow pin would not attach to the chassis because some eejit in the factory had forgotten to fit a thread in the socket the pin is supposed to screw into. I phoned the dealers who sold me the car, they said they couldn't do anything until I brought it into them. How I laughed.

Anyway, silver linings and all that. I couldn't get into work without the car (no public transport where I live and I didn't fancy a five mile round trip walk in wellies to and from work) so I've had a lovely day, messing about at home and visiting a friend in the village. I even made a lemon chicken casserole from scratch! Here's some photos I took as I walked home from my friend's house......can you spot the snowy Cleveland Hills in the first picture? And yes, that is my blue car on the side of the road! I wish I'd thought to take a picture of the fox's footprints in the snow - they were all over the village!